In my situation I was the only one who wanted to work things out, to reconcile and save the marriage but my ex had already made up his mind that he wanted to be with his lover and nothing or no one was going to stand in his way, so he divorced me and went his way.
On the other hand, I have close family members and friends whose marriages did survive infidelity, so I can tell you with all sincerity that it is possible to reconcile with your former cheating spouse after all the hurt and pain of the betrayal.
Not all couples are able to overcome the difficulties they face as a result of infidelity or manage to make the transition to a happy marriage. But for most couples, however, d oing the work necessary to make your marriage happy and healthy again is going to be far more rewarding than the possible alternatives. You can get started right here, right now…. Why is it that some couples experience true reconciliation and go on to build a better marriage, while with some couples their reconciliation is destined to fail from the start?
Doing nothing — Believe or not but some people when dealing with cheating would do nothing, thinking that time or some marriage fairy is going to rescue them from the rubble of infidelity. But doing nothing or just hoping and praying is not a long-term strategy, you need a plan. Getting mired in the woe is me mentality — This is especially applicable to the betrayed spouse.
You need to learn how to deal with your negative emotions and feelings in a constructive manner. The couples that weather the storm and reestablished the emotional connection with their spouse realized:. If you commit to the work ahead of you, you can use this program to turn your marriage around and make your relationship better than it has ever been. Honest communication — One of the major issues facing couples wanting to reconcile is lack of honest communication.
For instance if you are the betrayed spouse, you need to let your partner know what you really think and feel. Our sessions with Stephen helped guide us to healthier communication and the road to forgiveness. We used video chats.
He was truthful about the tragedy that had occurred in our relationship, yet offered supportive strategies and guidance for us to help us get through. I felt like I could speak at him for minutes and throw a bunch out there, but he had a great way of picking out the most important part of what I was trying to say. He did a great job facilitating the discussion that helped me clarify my thoughts and communicate with my partner.
My partner and I had multiple sessions with Stephen and both felt very comfortable speaking to him. Thank you very much, Stephen, for being here for us. Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship.
I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor. You may suspect your wife or husband is cheating because their behaviors are different or seem off in some way. Cheating women and men may give off signs that they are unfaithful to you, but it's important not to jump to conclusions right away; a change in behavior or mood isn't necessarily proof of infidelity on its own and can be indicative of much different mental health or personal concerns.
Keeping an eye out for blatant signs your wife is cheating is one thing, but talking with your spouse about how you feel and what you've noticed is the best way to facilitate a conversation around this topic whether or not you have a cheating spouse. People cheat on people they love for many reasons. Some of these reasons are further explored a The Journal of Sex Research's study in which nearly people who had cheated in a romantic relationship were asked why they betrayed their spouse.
The study identified eight critical motivating factors that led to cheating. A few of these factors include:. If a person discovered that their wife is cheating on them, they might wonder if they can save their relationship. However, when both spouses are committed to real healing, most marriages survive and many marriages become stronger with deeper levels of intimacy.
Infidelity isn't a single, clearly defined situation — and what's considered infidelity varies among couples and even between partners in a relationship. For example, is an emotional connection without physical intimacy considered infidelity? What about online relationships?
Each person and couple need to define what constitutes infidelity in the context of their marriage. Infidelity can happen in happy as well as troubled relationships. Many factors can contribute to infidelity, including:. The initial discovery of an affair usually triggers powerful emotions for both partners, as well as a sense of loss. The partner who has been cheated on might feel traumatized by the betrayal of trust and obsessively think about the details of the affair.
The partner who committed the infidelity might fear being punished forever. It's usually difficult at this time to think clearly enough to make long-term decisions. Consider the following:. Seek support. It can help to share your experience and feelings with trusted friends or loved ones who can support, encourage and walk along with you on your healing path. Avoid people who tend to be judgmental, critical or biased. Some spiritual leaders have training and might be helpful.
To try to repair this, Derhally says the person who cheated needs to be completely honest, even if it will seemingly hurt their spouse more, since continuing to hide the truth can cause even more damage. Handing over email and social media passwords can be another sign of trustworthiness. Of course, technology can make it possible for cheaters to continue behaving badly without leaving a record by deleting apps from their phones or communicating with affair partners through things like Snapchat.
If they're willing to get out all their repressed stuff and learn how to communicate better, that certainly can be a help. The cheater also needs to not only take full responsibility for the betrayal, but to show patience and understanding that healing from their actions is a long process, Cilona says.
Finally, the couple has to essentially recreate their relationship. Amatenstein agrees. But couples who do decide to separate after an affair can still benefit from therapy, especially if they have children.
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